He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
