I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
