3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize