i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
