dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
