why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
