the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
