Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
