Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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