that's an acceptable place to lick
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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