i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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