Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
