Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
