I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
