i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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