So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
