hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
