:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
