I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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