She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
