If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
