Its about making memories worth repressing
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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