did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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