I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
