1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
