the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
