Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
