i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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