how can u be prego again
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
