dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize