so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
