Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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