I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
