I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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