I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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