If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
