if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
