Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
