I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
