I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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