So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
