Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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