tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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