do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
