May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
