At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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