Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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