Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
