someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
