Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
