Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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