Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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