Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
