do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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