girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
