Screwed.edu
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There's even glitter on my cock...
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