I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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