wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
