when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
