U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
