I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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