i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize