I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
