Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
