There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
