i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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