I showed him my bush... on skype.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
