every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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