Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
