Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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