9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
