Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You need a sexual gate keeper
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
