I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Man, jail baloney is awful.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
