We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
