No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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